He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
