Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
