PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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