She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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