i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
