At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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