He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
