i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
