Swine flu is the new snow day.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
