Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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