thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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