i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
