fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
