he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you will always have a special place in my vag
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
