after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
