i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
