he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
