dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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