I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
