so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
