the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
