twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
