so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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