I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
