Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
