I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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