I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Congratulations! We have a period
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
