She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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