The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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