he wants to bone in the snuggie
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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