Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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