Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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