I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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