Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
