Your face is a jimmy john
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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