I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
