Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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