I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
