R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
