people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The power of my boobs compel you
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
