I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
