one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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