my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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