i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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