he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
