How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
