I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
