I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
