y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
