Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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