Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
