two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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