Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
